For some people, the holidays are not a happy occasion. Perhaps they are grieving, whether it is an actual death, or the end of a relationship. This may be the first holiday without that special person. It can be a painful reminder of how good things used to be. Others may have been abused, or had painful memories of holidays past. Perhaps they weren’t a happy time in your home. You may be single and be poignantly aware that you are no longer a part of a couple.

If you are finding yourself in one of these situations, here are some things that can help.

  1. If this is your first holiday without a loved one, is there something you can do to honor that person who is no longer alive? That is if it would be helpful for you. Some people may light a candle for the person, or have everyone share a special memory of that person. Perhaps you could start a new tradition with your family, as something new and special.
  2. Perhaps it would be better to plan a trip. Go some place for the holidays, so they feel different altogether.
  3. Many people find journaling to be helpful. Write about the person, the meaning they played in your life, or the pain that you are feeling.
  4. It may help to call a friend, or someone else who loved that person. You can share your pain with someone who understands the depth of it. Don’t worry about bringing that person down. It can be helpful to cry together.
  5. Don’t engage in substance use, or use excess alcohol. These are unhealthy tools, and will only make you feel worse in the end. The substance will not bring the person back, or prevent you from your need to grieve.
  6. Engage in healthy activities such as exercise and relaxation. Getting outdoors can be a place to think, as well as change your mood. Do you have a special place to go-the beach, the forest, or sitting under a tree? Practicing mindfulness or meditation may help you get through some rough times.
  7. Grieving is a very individual process. Do what feels right for you. No one can tell you what to do. I’m a big believer in listening to your gut as your guide.
  8. Praying is helpful to some. If this has helped in the past, it may help now.
  9. Be kind and gentle to yourself. Don’t take on more than you can handle. If you feel overwhelmed, it’s a indicator that you need to slow down and take time for yourself.

Hopefully some of these tips will help you or loved ones find a little peace in the process. If you are struggling, therapy can also help.

Take care,

Debbie