Do you go from relationship to relationship? Do you have trouble staying in a long-term relationship? It may be possible that you are choosing the wrong partners. Another possibility is that you are engaging in behaviors that are detrimental to relationships. It may be difficult to consider that you are doing things that you are not aware are harmful.
I recently read an article titled Five Quickest Ways to Kill Your Relationship by Kira Asatryan. You may want to see if you engage in some of these.
- Blaming or Shaming.
When you do this, it puts your partner at a lower place than you in the relationship. When we one up our partner, it leads to resentment.
Remedy: When you are upset with your partner, assume that the issue is not due to something wrong with him or her. There is no need to be insulting or call each other names. If you start with an I statement and state your feeling, you open the door for a level playing field.
- No longer having fun in the relationship.
Friendship is a basic part of any relationship. If you no longer feel that your partner is your best or closest friend, then something is wrong.
Remedy: What did the two of you enjoy doing when you were dating? These are the things that you need to go back to. When was the last time you went on a date? Perhaps you need to start a weekly date night.
- Threaten to leave the relationship as a bargaining tool.
If you continue to threaten to end the relationship, your partner will begin to feel that the relationship doesn’t mean all that much to you. This is considered emotional manipulation. If you use this, no one will feel good about it.
Remedy: When things get rough, share with your partner what you are feeling and what your fears are. This opens the door for open and honest communication
- Bringing up past relationships.
It’s important to leave these in the past. If you bring them up often, your partner may feel threatened, or think you still have feelings for the other person. If you treated your ex poorly or speak about them with too much hatred, your current partner may think you have anger issues.
Remedy: It is OK to talk about basic behaviors of your ex that you liked or disliked, or about what ended the relationship. Just don’t bring it up on a regular basis.
- Have a foot out the door.
When this occurs, your partner will feel unsettled about the relationship. It keeps them walking on eggshells and wondering if the relationship will soon end. People need to feel safe and secure.
Remedy: If you have some fears about the relationship, bring them up with your partner. You don’t need to have an easy exit strategy if you know what is going on.
This list isn’t to make you feel bad about yourself if you do some of these behaviors. The good news is that being aware of your behavior is the first step to change. You now have some things that you can work on moving forward in your relationships. If you need some extra help, give me a call at 713-304-6554.
Take care,
Debbie Grammas, PhD
