The holidays can be very stressful for a number of reasons. You may want to ask yourself, “I am adding more stress to my plate than necessary?” Are your expectations too high? Here are a few reasons that holidays are stressful, and some ways to ease up.

Expectations. Are yours too high? Are these expectations for you or of others? Perhaps you envision Thanksgiving playing out in a certain way, or that you feel that you have to make the perfect dish or meal. Now ask yourself how important that really is, and what is the likelihood that it will turn out exactly as you want? You may make the perfect pie, but you cannot control relationships. Tell yourself that it won’t be perfect, and you will still be able to enjoy it anyways. The purpose of the holiday is to get together with loved ones.

Family of origin or in-laws. Perhaps you don’t get along with some family members. Let’s be realistic, we all have people that ruffle our feathers or we’d rather not be around. Hopefully there will be enough people around so you don’t have to spend too much time around this person. Sibling rivalries and family dynamics tend to resurface when we get together with our family. You may want to try to stay away from old competitions, or be aware of them and the piece you play. If they cause you a lot of distress, exploring these in therapy can help.

Doing too much. Some people are hard on them self and expect too much. Do you have to decorate extensively, and have a Martha Stewart Thanksgiving or religious holiday? Do you need to send out as many holiday cards as you do, could you take a year off? Can you just send them to people out of town vs. locally? Do you have to go to all the parties you are invited to? It’s OK to take some time for yourself and do what you can, and what is enjoyable. Perhaps you can have your partner or kids help with some of these activities so you don’t feel so overwhelmed.

Spending. Many people stress over the holidays with money. Perhaps funds are low, or someone is out of a job. Do you really have to buy gifts for all the people are your list? Is there a way to simplify? If you have a large family, could you draw names to purchase gifts? There also may be an expectation that you have to spend just as much on gifts as your well off brother or sister. This is not the case. Most people will understand your situation if you are in a financial rough spot. Perhaps you may need to just give a card with a heartfelt sentiment. That’s OK.

Wherever your holidays take you, I hope they are safe and happy.

Debbie Grammas, Ph.D. 713-304-6554