I went to a wonderful workshop yesterday on Mindful Self-Compassion and Emotional Resilience put on by Kristin Neff, PhD. Mindful self-compassion is about treating oneself with care and understanding vs. judgment. It’s a practice of actively soothing and comforting oneself. It’s a little difference than mindfulness meditation as that practice has you sitting with emotions, as they are, not providing any comfort.
To get a feel for how this might look, think of a time where you made a mistake or did something wrong. Many people are self critical or judgmental and chastise themselves for doing the wrong thing. Perhaps call themselves names such as idiot, etc. Think of the tone of voice you would have as your criticized yourself.
Now think of a loved one. Imagine them doing something wrong or suffering in some way. Would you judge them or call them names like you would yourself? Most people would tell the other person, that it’s okay to make mistakes. We all do. Or be empathetic and say something like, “I know this is hard for you,” etc. You tone would be softer and more soothing.
There is a wonderful exercise called Soothing Touch. A simple way to do this is to just put your hand on your heart, or give yourself a hug. Touch, whether it is from you to yourself or from another person is warm and soothing. Research shows that this leads to the release of oxytocin, which provides comfort.
To expand on this a little, place your hand on your heart. You may want to put your other hand on top of it. Take a few deep breaths while doing so. See if there is a difference using one hand or two. See if one hand on top feels better than the other hand. You can also try making a fist and putting it on your heart. Feel the warmth and pressure of your hand on your skin. Take a few deep breaths while doing so. Feel your chest going up and down as the air goes in and out. You might also want to try putting your hand on different areas of your body that may bring you comfort, such as cradling your face, hugging yourself, or with your hand on your stomach.
Research (Neff &Germer, 2013) shows that self-compassion decreases stress, anxiety, depression, compassion and life satisfaction. This is another tool that you can add to your toolbox for dealing with difficult emotions. You may also want to seek the help of a therapist if you are struggling.
Take care,
Debbie Grammas, Ph.D. 713-304-6554
