As most of you know, Mother’s Day is next Sunday. I don’t think there is a word in the dictionary that has as many meanings or emotions associated with it. What comes up for you when you think of the word mom? My guess is a mixture, some wonderful, and some feelings that are not so good. No one has more of an impact on us than our mothers.
My hope is that you had a happy and healthy childhood-not perfect, no one’s is, but one that you found filled with warm memories. Even if that is the case, my guess is that there were times you felt that she wasn’t there for you, or couldn’t meet your needs. Perhaps there are some deep wounds due to these times. This certainly doesn’t mean that your mother was a bad mother, there could be very valid reasons why she couldn’t be there for you. It could be something as simple as her needing to work, and not being home when you got home from school. Perhaps she had some mental health issues, or there was a seriously ill family member. Maybe she forgot to pick you up one day at school, or you were the last one to get picked up. This certainly doesn’t mean that she didn’t love you, just that life happens.
If your mother is still alive and you had a fairly happy childhood, then I am so happy for you. That is wonderful and you are very lucky. Enjoy your time with her, talk with her on the phone and let you know how much you love her.
Perhaps this is your first Mother’s Day without you mom. She may have passed away recently and this day will be particularly difficult for you. Or even if she has been gone awhile, this day will be a sore reminder that your loved one is no longer here. If this is the case, my heart goes out to you. Think of ways you can take care of yourself on this day. Perhaps you would like to journal or write her a letter (obviously you can’t send it). Sometimes getting your feelings out on paper is helpful. Maybe you want to honor her in some way, visit her gravesite or reminisce with other family members. Only you know what will make you feel better with your grief, so honor your gut instinct. Perhaps you have a family of your own, and you will just treasure the day with them.
Perhaps the woman you call mom, or think of as your mom, is your grandmother, other family member, or friend. It doesn’t have to be the traditional birth mother for you to honor the special woman, who loved you and took care of you.
It could also be that your childhood was unhappy, or there was some abuse involved. If so, talking with someone about the past can be helpful in moving your forwards.
For all of you who are mothers, I hope your children and family make you feel loved and special.
Take care,
Debbie
