I just watched an amazing TED talk on the Power of Addiction.

Dr. Gabor Mates does an excellent job of explaining what many people have wondered, and that is, why addiction occurs. Many clients struggle with this. It’s so interesting and sad to see the addict’s brain at work. The person knows cognitively that the behavior is not good. People start using to feel good. Then they need it just to feel normal. After that it just feels bad. Self-hatred kicks in. They want to stop, yet just don’t know how to do it.

When I suggest going to a treatment center, most people will say they don’t need it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard someone say, “I can do this on my own.” Yet the sad truth is that they can’t. I’ve seen many people make bargains, such as, “I’ll go to a higher level of care if I’m still using at this point.” Or, “I’m not an addict, I can still go to work.”

How To Tell If You Are Addicted

Here are some key points of what defines an addiction. The person will go to great extent to get the substance. Some clients are able to get to their dealer on time, yet not get to therapy on time. Obtaining the drug serves as a powerful motivator. Using despite negative consequences, tolerance/withdrawal, and being unable to stop, even though one wants to, are other signs. So yes, you can go to work, and still be an addict or alcoholic.

They set goals to stop using. Yet those dates/situations arise, and then the addict moves the line. For some reason it didn’t really count, or they aren’t using the substance that they need treatment for, but use something else in its place. Perhaps substituting one drug or behavior for another. They may think that I’m using X drug, and not Y drug, so it’s not as bad. Or they have been good for so long that they deserve a little treat. Over time, the user feels disgust with their self, yet won’t go to a treatment center.

No one who uses a substance thinks they will overdose from it. They consider themselves users with experience, and know just how much they need. Yet overdoses occur all the time. It seems like whenever you hear of a young person dying for unknown reasons, the first thing that comes to mind is drug addiction. It ruins lives, jobs, families and relationships.

Why Addiction Occurs

All human behavior serves a purpose. No one does something without a reason. So, you need to ask yourself, what does the addiction do for the person? In his very powerful TED talk, Dr. Gabor Mates said, “The addiction gives the person a relief from pain, a sense of peace, a sense of control, a sense of calmness, very temporarily.” People want to forget, they don’t want to feel, and they don’t feel comfortable in their own skin. He went on to say that all addictions provide this whether it is a substance, gambling, excessive sex, shopping, work, Internet, or eating. The goal is to fill their internal sense of emptiness with some other behavior.

You may also wonder where this emptiness comes from. It comes from childhood wounds, abuse and neglect. These traumas affect the development of the brain in an adverse manner. Because of this people become vulnerable to addiction.

Dr. Mates also shared that when people use a substance, dopamine is released in the brain. Dopamine is in the reward center of our brain. In addition, Endorphins are our natural painkillers. The provide feelings of love and attachment. The dopamine and endorphin systems develop normally when children are raised in a healthy fashion. When someone is abused or neglected as a child, the system that produces endorphins doesn’t work properly, and normal attachment to their caregiver doesn’t develop. The brain of this child is shaped by these behaviors. The child grows up thinking he or she isn’t wanted, and will seek out being needed. He or she wants to fill that void. Trauma is passed down from generation to generation. As a result these children feel emptiness and use addictive behaviors to fill that emptiness.

As a way to feel good, the individual starts using. Then he or she needs it just to feel normal. After that it just feels bad. The key to moving forward is to find the light within, to fill your own emptiness. As looking to the outside will keep you feeling empty. Only when one is authentic, willing to be themselves, and to feel their feelings (the good, the bad, and the ugly) can they fill themselves up.

This is not an easy process and takes a lot of work and perseverance. If addiction is something that has affected you or your family, please give me a call at 713-304-6554.

Take care,

Debbie