Sense of self/self esteem
As I was pondering this week’s topic, I was in my yoga class doing a balance pose. Aha, balance would be a great topic to write about. If a person’s life is out of balance, they can become anxious, depressed or angry. If different parts of your self get ignored, your self-esteem will suffer and you will not be happy.
Often time’s people come to therapy because they feel they have lost their sense of self. They don’t know who they are anymore, or how they became who they were. Perhaps they have given themselves away slowly, or they weren’t allowed to be themselves. Some people’s life is so out of balance that they don’t even know what they like anymore. Regaining that sense of self it critical to their mental health.
There are many reasons this could happen. One may be because this person didn’t have a strong sense of self to start with. This is the person who does whatever their friend, family member or spouse wants. For example, if you ask this person where they would like to go to eat, they reply, “I don’t care, what do you want?” This occurs in many different circumstances over time that the person no longer knows what they like. These are often people pleasers. They don’t want to rock the boat, so they are happy to do whatever someone else ones.
Or perhaps this person is a mother and does everything for her kids and husband, but doesn’t take care of herself. At first this is done willingly to be a good wife and mother. Over time, she will become resentful of her family.
Another common way this happens is the person is a workaholic. In the beginning it feels great to be successful at work and get kudos. If this is done to excess, it can also destroy relationships, as the workaholic doesn’t have the time to put into their relationship. This person neglects all other aspects of himself or herself too. As the years go on, he or she will not be happy. No one lies on their deathbed wishing they had put in more hours at the office.
Over time, if one’s life out of balance, it erodes their self-esteem. Think of life balance as the 4 legs of a stool. If one is missing, you can probably balance and still stay upright. If 2 legs of the stool are missing, you are going to fall over. These legs (or different aspects of yourself) can be things include friends, family, religion/spirituality, work, hobbies, and exercise. These are the things that make you who you are. These are the things that need to be nurtured to regain your sense of self-esteem.
If you are struggling with low self-esteem, are anxious, angry or depressed, therapy can help. Don’t hesitate to call 713-304-6554.
Take care,
Debbie
