Do you dread going to parties or other social interactions? Does the thought of it riddle you with anxiety? Is it exhausting for you to attend them? If so, you may have social anxiety. You probably don’t realize that someone else may feel the same way you do. It’s easy to look around and assume that everyone can easily flow through the event. However, no one knows what someone else’s inner world feels like. Here are some tips that may help.

  1. Ask people questions. This serves many purposes. First of all, most people are more than happy to talk about themselves. Once they get talking, all you have to do is listen, which is probably something you are good at.
  2. Write down a few conversation starters in your phone. This may sound silly, but if you write them down, you will have them if you need them. Sometimes just having this safety net is all you need. You may want to practice these before going to the event so it will sound more natural. Here are a few examples: How do you know (the host/hostess)? Do you have any upcoming vacation plans? Have you seen any good movies lately?
  3. Find someone who is standing or sitting by them self. Often times this person is also feeling uncomfortable, and wishing they had someone to talk to. Just by going to them to talk will make their day. Knowing how this person feels will make it easier for you to approach him or her.
  4. Attend with someone you already know. Sometimes just having someone you know to walk in with is helpful. You also know this person is available to hang out with if you don’t have anyone else to talk to in the moment. I wouldn’t recommend that you stick to this person like glue. Try to go out and mingle, and then come back to this person periodically.
  5. Focus on others vs. yourself. If you focus on yourself and your anxiety, it will only make you more anxious. Try to focus on the person or group of people you are talking to. Remember, no one else knows that you are feeling anxious, other than you. It may seem obvious, but it is not.
  6. You don’t have to stay for the whole event. If it’s a 3-hour cocktail party, it’s OK to stay for just an hour. If it’s a birthday party, you may want to wait until the cake has been served and presents opened. Each situation is different. You need to be the judge of when it would be appropriate to leave.

If social anxiety is something you struggle with, don’t hesitate to call. There are many tools and techniques that I can teach you.

Take care,

Debbie Grammas, PhD.