My guess is that at some point in your life someone you cared about broke your trust in him or her. It may have felt devastating, or just disappointing. Whatever the range, it doesn’t feel good. Thus, most people want to find ways to restore it.

You may ask yourself, what is trust? The dictionary definition of it is: “assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.” It does not have to be something as devastating as a sexual affair. It can be several other simple things such as a white lie, or a lie by omission. Perhaps it is some other betrayal such as the sharing of personal information.

Has a family member, spouse, partner or friend recently broken your trust? Or have you broken the trust of someone else? Perhaps you did so accidentally. I’m guessing we have all been on both sides of the coin. If you have broken someone’s trust or betrayed them, here are some things that can help.

Ways To Restore Trust

Apologize

Let the person know that you are sorry for what you have done. Take responsibility for your transgression. The other person needs to know that you are remorseful in order to build trust. He or she needs to have faith that you will not repeat your transgression.

Request Forgiveness

Let whomever you betrayed know that you want to do what is necessary to restore their trust.

Openness and Honesty

Maybe you need to share more information with your friend, family member or partner, so they will know what you are thinking and feeling. If you are a shy or quiet person, this may be a challenge. However, more communication is helpful.

Access To Passwords

If there has been a betrayal to the relationship (emotional or physical affair), this is a way to build trust in the short term. Social media makes it easy to have relationships outside your primary one. It also makes it easier to get caught, as this is how many affairs are discovered. Allow them to randomly check your phone, social media and e-mails.

Do Not Hide Information

Often times people won’t tell the whole truth, or hide information to avoid conflict. It is always best to totally come clean. Many people are afraid to do this. What then happens, more information is discovered, which is seen as a new betrayal. This takes you back to square one in the trust process. Most people would rather know all of the information up front vs. find it out later.

Stay Trustworthy

What do you think happens if you get caught in another lie, whether it has to do with the transgression or something else? You reinforce that you cannot be trusted. That last lie may be the end of your relationship.

Don’t Share Confidential Information

If you share other peoples stuff, your friend or partner will feel that you are sharing their personal information with other people. Notice this in your current relationships. Who keeps others stuff private? These are true friends and will do the same for you.

If you have been betrayed or have betrayed someone else, therapy can help to restore trust. Please call me at 713-304-6554 if you would like to set up an appointment.

Take care,

Debbie