Falling in love is one of the most wonderful things that can happen to us. Perhaps you are deciding if the person you are in love with is the one you want to spend your life with. There are some important factors that determine healthy relationships. If these things are missing in yours, then it may not be as healthy as you think. This certainly doesn’t mean that you should not commit, it just means that your relationship may need some work.

  1. You are best friends. If you are choosing someone as your life partner, you should be able to tell this person just about everything about you-your worries, hopes, dreams, successes, failures.
  2. This person listens to you. You can tell if someone is really listening to you and if they understand you. It’s important that your partner is truly there for you.
  3. Mutual respect. This means that you put your partner first; you don’t demean each other or call each other names. This constitutes verbal abuse and it will destroy any relationship.
  4. You are equals in the relationship. You want a relationship where you are peers. Not where one has more power than the other, or is a mother or father figure.
  5. Your partner helps you to be the best you, that you can be. He or she helps you and supports you to help reach your dreams and goals.
  6. You are healthy emotionally on your own. You don’t look to your partner for your mental health. Yes, this person should be there to listen to your struggles, yet your mental health does not hinge on them being in your life.
  7. You have separate sets of friends. It isn’t healthy for couples to spend all their time together. You each need to have a life of your own that includes your own friends.
  8. It is important that you trust this person with your whole heart. You trust that they will nurture you and honor you, safeguard your weakness, and be faithful.
  9. Treats your family and theirs with dignity and respect. They say a good indicator of how a man will treat his partner by the way he treats is mother. Does he treat her with dignity and respect? If so, there is a good chance he will treat you the same way. If not, beware.
  10. There are no alcohol or substance abuse issues. If either of you struggle with alcohol abuse or drug addiction, it will eventually destroy your relationship.

Granted, no relationship is perfect, and we all have our individual issues and struggles. If some of your struggles were on this list, then it would be a good idea to seek individual or couples counseling to be sure that your relationship will last.

Take care,

Debbie