Are you feeling sad and blue this holiday season? Do you feel like you are the only one? Everywhere you look people are happy with their friends, families or loved ones, and you are all alone. In reality you are not. There are plenty of other people that are dreading the holidays for various reasons. You are not alone.

Perhaps this is the first holiday season after the passing of a loved one. Their absence may be painful, as the dynamics of the family have now changed. Has your romantic relationship ended and you can’t stop focusing on the couples around you? You may assume you are the only one without a partner. Some people have unhealthy family dynamics and dread being around certain family members.

Perhaps someone has an alcohol or substance use problem and you are afraid that they will show up drunk or high. Maybe you are ridiculed by certain family members, are constantly criticized or are the family scapegoat. One client said that she was codependent with her mother. So she dreads going home, yet can’t stay away. Maybe some family members aren’t talking to each other, or someone has a serious illness. Maybe you have lost your job or funds are low, so you can’t afford to buy presents. As you can see there are many reasons why the holidays may not be so happy.

The one thing that will determine the outcome of your holiday and that is how you react. Many people are met with adverse circumstances; yet seem to be able to rise above it. They may have a resilience that you don’t seem to have. If you are struggling, here are some healthy ways to cope with the holidays.

  1. Volunteer to feed those less fortunate a holiday meal at the Star of Hope or some other organization. When you help others, you are no longer focusing on yourself. Don’t stay home and isolate yourself. It feels good to help others, and those you assist will appreciate it.
  2. Call friends or family members that you get along well with. Is there someone who is always uplifting? Hearing a warm and friendly voice will feel good. Better yet, Face Time or Skype, so you can see them. It is not as effective if done by text, email or social media. A voice is much warmer and more satisfying.
  3. Engage in random acts of kindness. These can be simple things such as holding the door for someone, smiling, complimenting someone or buying the person in line behind you a coffee. The smile or appreciation you receive will feel good.
  4. Adopt a pet. Pets have been shown to decrease loneliness. It feels good to walk in the door and have a cat or dog greet you. It’s nice to know that your cat or dog needs you.
  5. Journal your feelings to work through them. You may even want to start a gratitude journal where you write three things daily that you are grateful for or appreciate. Better yet, call someone and let them know why you love or appreciate about them.

These are just a few suggestions to help you through rough times. Don’t give in to temptation and drown your sorrows in alcohol. Don’t hesitate to call me if things get too rough 713-304-6554.

Take care,

Debbie Grammas, Ph.D.