We all experience tough times in life, whether it is events that occur, challenging relationships, anxiety or depression. Soften-Soothe-Allow is a wonderful practice to use if you are struggling with difficult emotions-as we all do from time to time. This exercise is taken from a Mindful Self-Compassion course written by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer. It is actually a way to take out some of the sting, or intensity of the emotion.
To begin the exercise, you’ll want to close you eyes, put your hand on your heart and take a few slow, deep breaths. Remind yourself that you are worthy of kindness and self-compassion, as we all are worthy. Think of a difficult situation that you may be experiencing. Visualize what is going on, who you are with, what occurred at that time, or conversations you remember.
Next follow the next 5 steps:
- Labeling Emotions-what feelings or emotions are coming up for you as you think of this difficult situation. Is it anxiety, anger, fear, grief, shame, guilt, despair, or some other emotion? Something about just labeling the emotion helps ease the suffering. Determine the strongest of these emotions. Continue to say that emotion in your head, in a compassionate tone, as if you were talking to your friend (ex. That’s anxiety, or that’s guilt).
- Mindfulness of the Emotion in the Body-Next, focus on your body, from head to toe. Think about that difficult emotion in step 1. Where do you feel the most tension or discomfort in your body as you think of that emotion? Scan from your head to your toes. Find the place in your body where you feel that emotion most strongly. It can be an ache or muscle tension. Now, with your mind, gently go towards that spot.
- Soften-Soften into that place in your body where you feel the emotion most strongly. Let the muscles soften. Don’t try to change the emotion, just recognize it and hold it in a tender way. If you can, feel it soften around the edges.
- Soothe-Next you want to soothe yourself, as this is a difficult emotion. It may help to place your hand where you feel the most tension in your body. Feel the warmth and comfort of your hand. Try to imagine warmth and kindness flowing from your hand into your body. Think of it as if you were soothing a loved one. Perhaps there are some comforting words that you would say to a loved one, such as “I am sorry that you are struggling”, “I’m here for you.” Say these to yourself.
- Allow– Allow room or the discomfort that you are feeling. Don’t struggle to make it go away. You are human and we all feel these emotions. Just allow yourself to be as you are. Don’t judge it. Just soften-soothe-allow. When you are done, gently open your eyes.
Doing this exercise can help you process your emotions. It allows you to soothe yourself emotionally, physically and mentally in a compassionate way. I hope you found this to be helpful. If you are struggling, talking to a therapist is often helpful. If I can help you, call me at 713-304-6554.
Take care,
Debbie
