Does it seem like you and your partner never have enough time together? Are you busy with work, or taking the kids from activity to activity?  Is there enough time in the day to take care of family life, let alone your relationship. Often times people drift apart because life and kids seem to take over. Perhaps you are exhausted after doing everything you need to do, so you feel there is no time to nurture your relationship.

If this sounds like you, then your relationship may be in trouble. I can’t tell you how many couples I have worked with who lead parallel lives, they drift apart or someone enters into an affair. This happens easier than you may think. If you don’t have time to nurture your partner, someone else may come along who does. No enters into an affair intentionally, it just tends to happen. That other person makes you feel so good, and you recognize that it isn’t happening at home, even though it seems like you may have tried.

You may ask yourself what to do if this scenario sounds like you. There are some simple things that you can do to nurture your relationship.

  1. Have a weekly date night. At a minimum go out at least twice a month. You need time to be a couple, not just mom and dad, or busy employees. It doesn’t have to be expensive. You could ride your bikes and have a picnic in the park. Google: Free things to do in Houston and see what comes up.
  2. Put away the cell phones. I hear that people are on their cell phones in bed. What an intimacy killer. Instead of pillow talk or conversation, you are each in your own little worlds. The research shows that people who have TV’s in their bedroom have less sex. I don’t know about the research and cell phones, but I would guess the results would be similar. When you go out on your date nights, the phones should also be put away.
  3. One minute hug. Hugging releases oxytocin, which is also released in breast milk. It is our bonding hormone. Doing this on a daily basis will make you and your partner feel closer.
  4. Twenty minutes on the couch. This is something I recommend you do on a daily basis. Sit on the couch and talk. Turn off all TV’s, Cell phones etc. It is amazing how much you can connect with 20 minutes with no other distractions. If you have kids, do this after they go to bed.
  5. Read the Five Love Languages. Gary Chapman is the author of this book, and it is a classic for couples. Supposedly, there are 5 love languages. We tend to show love in the way we want to receive love. The problem is that typically our partner has a different love language. We are showing our partner love, but they aren’t receiving it, because it is not their love language.
  6. Do an activity together one evening a week. Is there something you enjoy doing together in the evenings? Perhaps taking a walk, playing cards, games or music?

These are some simple tips to improve your relationship and connect with your partner. If your relationship is in trouble, please give me a call at 713-304-6554 and we can get your relationship back on track.

Take care,

Debbie Grammas, Ph.D.