If you have social anxiety, the holiday seasons may be filled with dread. It may make things even worse knowing that many people look forward to the holiday festivities. You may think something is wrong with you as you don’t share in their enthusiasm. However, there are some things you can do that may help.

Tools For Social Anxiety

Don’t feel you have to go to everything

It seems like there are many parties and get togethers around the holidays. Your family probably gets together (providing you don’t live too far from them or have a toxic relationship with them). Then there is the work, book club, Bunco, friends, business groups etc. It can be overwhelming even if you don’t have social anxiety. You do not need to feel obligated to go to all of them.

Go to one or two parties

If you skip all the parties it may make you feel safe. However this reprieve only works in the short term. As crazy as it may sound, the more you avoid something the greater the fear grows. Guess what? You will continue to be invited to parties and gatherings. The next time it occurs, your anxiety will be greater.

Write a list of conversation starters

This may seem silly, but this way you can be prepared. Practice these conversations and questions so you will feel more comfortable saying them. You can keep this list in your pocket at the party or written in your phone. Then if you forget what is on them you can go to the restroom to refresh your memory.

Find someone who is sitting or standing alone

My guess is that there is someone else at the party that is just as uncomfortable as you are. Perhaps they are shy or know no one at the party. They would probably be thrilled that you came up to them to talk. Think about it. Would you like it if someone came to talk to you if you were all alone?

Practice some relaxation

Do you like to meditate, do yoga, practice mindfulness or guided imagery? These are all techniques that help people with anxiety. Perhaps there is something else you do when you are anxious. Exercise is also great!

Try positive thinking

This is something you may also want to do on a daily basis. However doing this just before a party may help. Think about something you are good at. Perhaps you have a special talent, or you are a good listener. People with anxiety often are. Maybe you have a wonderful partner or people in your life. Think of a favorite vacation you have been on or someplace you’d like to travel. This often is a good topic for conversations with others-places you’ve been or places you’d like to go.

Curb your negative assumptions

My guess is that if you struggle with social anxiety, you fear that you will say something stupid. When was the last time you were at a gathering and someone said something stupid? Can you even remember? My guess is no. We all say something that sounds a little awkward at some point in time, or tell a joke that others don’t understand. If anyone notices, it’s usually just a quick moment, and then it is forgotten. That is part of being human. Just remember, people are not judging you, just as you are not judging them.

Focus outward

Something you may do when you feel self-conscious is to draw inward and be keenly aware of yourself. If you focus outward or on others, it will pull you out of your head. Your head is not the best place to be. Another way to get out of your head is to focus on your 5 senses. What do you see, smell, hear, taste or touch in the moment?

Get treatment

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a common treatment for anxiety disorders. You will learn how to challenge your negative thinking and to reframe things in a more positive way. Remember, you are not alone. Please call me at 713-304-6554 if this is something you struggle with.

Take care,

Debbie Grammas PhD.