Since today is Mother’s Day, mom seemed like the only appropriate topic for today’s blog. My wish for you is that you had/have a wonderful relationship with your mother. When we look at the wonderful things that mom’s do, we are thankful they were there to raise us. Perhaps we want to be just like them, or perhaps we want to do some things differently.
If you had a healthy mother, she loved you unconditionally and would have done just about anything for you. Hopefully you know that she loved you even if she couldn’t show you in the ways that you needed. And we are wired to love our mother’s back, even if they weren’t perfect. This bond that goes both ways makes sense, as we could not survive without the help, love and nurturance from our mother’s.
If I asked you what comes up for you when I say the word mom, would you even know where to start? The word mom is so complicated and I think for most people so many different things come up emotionally. Typically there are some happy and some sad memories. Hopefully your mother was there to at least meet your basic needs of food shelter, love, support, and nurturance. Hopefully she was there for you when you needed her most. Most people recognize that there mom could not be there every time she was needed, due to work or other obligations, and that she did the best that she could.
Along with being loving, you may have felt your mother was critical, or her expectations were too high. Maybe you never felt you could satisfy her. Sometimes these feelings are assumed, but may not actually be true. Sometimes it helps to have a talk with mom and let her know how you feel. This may change things for the better.
Perhaps today is a rough day for you as your mother is no longer alive. If so, I hope the day is bittersweet and along with your grief, there is also a sense of love. Perhaps you need to write her a letter to express your feelings. Of course she won’t see it, but it may help to get your feelings out-for you.
Sometimes mom’s are not there in the way you need, which can lead to a lot of distress throughout childhood and adulthood. If it causes you a great deal of distress and is affecting your relationships with others, you may want to consider professional help.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the mom’s out there.
Debbie Grammas, Ph.D. 713-304-6554
