Brené Brown, the author of The Gifts of Imperfection, has inspired many people with her insights into shame, vulnerability, and self-acceptance. These emotions are what drive perfectionism. It is OK to strive for excellence, but perfection is not possible. She teaches that sharing our stories of shame can strip them of their power, while keeping them hidden allows them to grow. But how do we start this journey of self-acceptance, connection and imperfection?
Brown defines shame as:
“The intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”
It’s a universal emotion. The fear that others might reject us if they knew our truths keeps us silent and stuck. Yet we all have things we are not proud of. To overcome this, Brown offers 10 guideposts to help us embrace our imperfections, live authentically, and let go of the pressure to be someone we’re not.
1. Cultivate Authenticity – Let Go of What People Think
Authenticity means embracing vulnerability, setting boundaries, and letting go of perfectionism. It’s about being compassionate with yourself and others, acknowledging that everyone struggles. When you live with authenticity it draws people to you.
2. Cultivate Self-Compassion – Learn to Embrace Imperfection
Perfectionism isn’t about striving for excellence; it’s rooted in the belief that we’re not good enough unless we’re flawless. But is perfection truly attainable? Embrace your imperfections and recognize that your worth isn’t tied to doing everything perfectly. Everyone has these imperfections and it what makes us human.
3. Cultivate a Resilient Spirit – Let Go of Numbing and Powerlessness
Resilience is about problem-solving, seeking help, and connecting with others. It’s also about letting go of feelings of inadequacy. Some numb their emotions with substances or distractions, but numbing the bad feelings also numbs the good. Numbing might give you short term gain, but it is a long term loss. Embrace your emotions and trust your ability to handle them.
4. Cultivate Gratitude and Joy – Let Go of Scarcity
Gratitude and joy are spiritual practices tied to connection and abundance. Instead of fearing that joy won’t last or bracing for the “other shoe to drop,” allow yourself to experience these moments fully. Joy is fleeting but ever-present if we’re open to it. Perhaps write about your feelings of joy in a journal. That way when you are feeling down, you can go back and remind yourself of that joy.
5. Cultivate Intuition and Trust – Let Go of Certainty
We often look to others for validation, but true clarity comes from within. Trust your instincts—they are uniquely yours. Even if someone does try to validate you, it will be short lived, or you won’t believe it. Only you can validate yourself.
6. Cultivate Creativity of Imperfection– Let Go of Comparison
Comparison steals joy. There will always be someone who seems to have more, but you also have qualities others admire. Celebrate your uniqueness, and remember that happiness isn’t found in comparison but in creativity and self-expression.
7. Cultivate Play and Rest – Let Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol
Balance is vital. Rest and play are not luxuries—they’re essential for recharging. Identify your least productive times of the day and dedicate them to relaxation or play. Try not to feel guilty, remember that even the energizer bunny needs to charge it’s batteries.
8. Cultivate Calm and Stillness – Let Go of Anxiety of Imperfection
In a world filled with chaos, cultivating calm can be transformative. Simple practices like deep breathing, yoga, or meditation can ground you and help you embrace stillness. Sit with your feelings and see what comes up.
9. Cultivate Meaningful Work – Let Go of Self-Doubt
What are your gifts and passions? Meaningful work doesn’t have to make you rich—it should make you fulfilled. Let go of societal expectations and focus on what brings you joy. Only you know what that is. No one can determine it for you.
10. Cultivate Laughter, Song, and Dance – Let Go of Being “Cool”
Laugh freely, sing loudly, and dance without inhibition. Life isn’t about watching from the sidelines—it’s about jumping in and embracing the joy of the moment. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. This is about being OK with imperfection.
Start Your Journey Toward Self-Acceptance of Imperfection
If these concepts resonate with you, but you’re struggling to apply them, know that you’re not alone. Working with a compassionate professional can help you embrace your authentic self and live with greater joy and connection.
Give me a call at 713-304-6554 if you struggle with shame or perfectionism. Together, we can work towards helping you live wholeheartedly.
Take care,
Debbie Grammas, Ph.D.
